Day 13 of the Tour: 9-21, in the afternoon

City High School, downtown Tucson: 75 students and several veterans in the audience (Kim, Jamie, and teacher Tom Moore's mom who was a nurse in Viet Nam). Jeanmarie breaks down when she catches the eye of Tom's mom during the piece in the play written from the point of view of a Viet Nam nurse. . .and again during a reference to a Viet Nam era marching song (gruesome lyrics). Later she says it was one of those performances that was definitely not phoned in (meaning, it wasn't going to get any more real than that).

Here is what some of those students said:

"I feel like I never want to serve. I feel like I need to get up right now and go. I feel like smacking him in the face and shooting down his morale. I feel like hugging him silently, and crying into his hand. I feel like going with him, so I can be there and do it with him. The pain is the same for women, and I want to feel it."

"The world is hurting."

"You should have more pro military stories. I know multiple soldiers who are women and they're experiences were much different. I heard some stories from the Gulf War and a lot has changed since then."

"I feel so heart broken that even living in the 21st century that women do not get the respect they deserve even with bravery, desperately fighting for their country. I actually cried. I never cry. Incredible. Truly incredible."

"I feel extremely overwhelmed because no woman should have to experience such pain. . ."

"I thought comrades were supposed to help you not harm you."

"I feel amazed at how much sexism there is among people who are supposed to be the heroes of our country."

"I believe people are getting smarter and more open and loving as time goes on. Even though it would be so amazing to be so capable and strong, it's a better feeling to not even need strength to fight."

"I was so ignorant about what people at war go through. The most I experience is in video games where nothing so intense happens."

"I can't get how people go about their business during the day let alone sleep at night knowing that people are being tortured, dying, starving and yet. . . we don't even bother to lift a finger."

"I feel sad and confused about the truth of what happens to women in the army. No one should be treated like that."

"I feel ashamed, outraged and disgraced at being male. . . my eyes are now open to the problems."

Day 13 of the Tour: 9-21, in the morning

This was the fourth of Dave Sudak's classes at CFHS, Tucson. This one was the smallest (15 students) class and very quiet and attentive for 8:30am!

Here is what some of them had to say:

"I feel like if more women like the ones in the play speak out, the more the military will need to and be forced to acknowledge that something needs to be done to help women not only succeed in the military, but also to thrive in it."

"I feel concerned. These experiences are horrific yet inspiring."

"Every single one of us has a job, and that's to fight (figuratively or literally) for others. I don't understand how women in the military can go through so much, just for us."

"Now that more and more women are joining the military, there is a whole new perspective that people do not understand and this is an incredibly real way to show what it's really like. . . Incredibly real and incredibly depressing."

"I feel angry and sad that war happens. Why? It seems so fruitless to me. The soldiers are the ones fighting it, but all it really is is the bickering of a few men in high places who send out their soldiers to solve their problems. I keep thinking of the Iraqi people, for so long now their world has been an image of constant fear and suffering and it is so unfair for them. And for me that I live such a good life."

"I feel angry. I want to be an officer, a gentleman, and the rape stuff pisses me off. Makes it seem like all people in the military are the bad guys. But, they are not. They serve and I truly believe that honestly women should not join. . . There really are honorable servicemen. I am compelled at their devotion. Men do combat, women don't. why? Women have the right to serve. There needs to be stricter policies on rape. I will NOT ALLOW it. I'll be a great officer. The best. The one who looks out for women."

"I feel as though my life has been altered, my eyes have been opened to the reality. The fact that there is a great big world out there. . . I feel as if I'm trapped in a bubble. . .."

"I feel lost. Never knowing the experiences of others. I am ignorant, trapped in a world of good and safety.. . What is it to feel bad about something that I have little control over, like war, and death?"

"I remember my feelings when my dad was deployed to Iraq. I remember how angry I was at everyone. I wanted to know that my dad was ok. I want to know what he actually felt when he was there. He doesn't talk about it. I want to know why he went to Iraq."

"It's difficult to resolve an issue with as much depth as women in the military, or war itself. Is it wrong to subject women to something as gruesome as. . . war and harassment? Can we prevent them from serving to protect them? Can we prevent war all together?"

Here is a paraphrased summary of general feedback from Dave's classes the day after our visit. . .

"Students were very open about the challenge of the small performance space. Many students-including doodlers and those who seemed like they weren't giving the performers their undivided attention--admitted to feeling shy, especially about watching the performer in such close proximity. . . A few (mainly boys) expressed feeling that men got an especially bad treatment, and that the play could have balanced the harsh reality of violence toward women with some more positive experiences."

Day 12 of the Tour: 9-20

Today we performed for three different sections of Dave Sudak's AP English class at Catalina Foothills High School---three in a row. Approximately 24 students per section, and again we were in close quarters with no barrier between the stage and the audience. When asked the question how many students have thought about or are planning to go to the military, one young man raised his hand.

Dave Sudak said of the experience: "Thank you, Kore Press and performers, for sharing *Coming in Hot* with our AP Lit classes.  I can’t think of a better complement to our unit on literary impressionism (and more specifically Heart of Darkness). Emphasizing the conveyance of experience, with a fidelity to what the military feels like to its many female voices, the play took a needing demographic of students on a rich, sensory journey.  Each performance – four total in a small fluorescent classroom - was an experience in itself, as individual classes were confronted by (and responded differently to) the raw, sobering material. We all - including the performers - seemed united in our vulnerability.  No protective fourth wall.  No place to hide.   It was an experience unlike any I’ve had (or am likely to have) in the classroom, and one I’m tremendously grateful for."


Here is what his students had to say:

"The realization of how the military effects the minds of soldiers is terrifying."

"I don't support war, I don't know who would, but I really respect those strangers who live to die. Isn't that a cornerstone of the military, of war, in general? Death?"

"I feel cold. Running through the entire performance was death. Death---the coldest place."

"I not only felt sorry for the soldier's struggles, but their families at home, and the innocent civilians affected by war."

"I could smell, hear, and feel everything that they felt. My mind is racing. How could someone go through that? How could someone be in that situation?"

"I feel. . . a sense of awe and humility."

"I also feel quite sure I will never be in the military."

"I feel at a loss to put my impressions into words after the flood of tonality and mood, this flood of the senses, this flood of experiences so divorced from my own."

"I feel confused as if I am not able to be the person needed for my country, where there is life free and bold. I cannot rise to the occasion of becoming one who protects others. Where do we find this strength, this liberty? How do we understand the unknown? Where do I fit in?. . ."

"I feel like the military is another world. People that have been there come back different. I feel like it should be easier than it seems, after all you really just shoot and kill."

"I feel happy that I live in a world apart from all the horrible experiences re-enacted today. It's so easy to just not think about what I saw today, go home, and watch TV and do homework. In fact, that is what I will probably do because honestly, I just want to be happy and ignorant when I'm not in school."

"I feel proud to be in a gender that is constantly fighting to prove ourselves worthy."

"I feel shocked, tired. . . but attentive, sad and confused. . . disgusted, peaceful, yet upset and almost sick. . ."

"I feel a sort of awareness. . . I felt like I was one of those women and can see what they were seeing."

"I feel like I would like to serve my country but I couldn't do it. I feel like the government covers up the truth. I feel like most war isn't necessary."

"I feel incredibly lucky in the most absurd way. . .it seems completely wrong that I should be so lucky when so many more, the majority of the world is less lucky than me. Why do I get to be comfortable? Why do I have family and friends that love me? Why don't I ever have to pay some kind of steep price for all my good fortune? maybe it will come eventually. I am so selfish for wishing I won't have to."

"After watching *Coming in Hot* my perspective on the US military in general is that it has betrayed the idea/reputation of the American people---women soldiers have a far more difficult road than men and the way they are treated is horrible. Changes must be made / voices must be heard. Before we change the world, we need to change ourselves."

"Why would anyone want to be in the military anyway? It is so dangerous and scary. I admire the women who have that sort of courage. It's weird to pity the women you admire."

"i feel empowered that women who choose can help support our country and protect us."

"The most shocking message I got from the play was that of sexual harassment in the military. Here, servicemen are portrayed as being honorable and something to aspire to, but when they are pulled away from society they are reduced to basic instincts. i also think that the military doesn't share this information with the public."

Day 11 of the Tour: 9-19

Linda Green, anthropology professor at the University of Arizona, hosted this salon fund raiser in her beautiful desert back yard with a ramada strung with colored lights for a stage and picnic tables covered in oil clothes. It was a hot Sunday night outdoors, and we could have used amplification (some loud planes overhead) but the conversation afterward was lively. We had very few written comments and no scribe that evening to record the live dialogue. There were about 25 people there.

Here is some of what was said:

"Glad you brought these voices forward. Really found the piece about the pow wow---the inability to speak---very significant! It really brought us back to the silenced voices of women! "Coming in Hot" clearly opens the space rather than claiming triumph. Thank you for that honesty."

I am paraphrasing the below from memory:

One audience member was struck by just how much of a sense of the individual, and independence, came through in all the pieces. A loneliness under harsh conditions rather than a connection to others? This is particularly American.

Another audience member stated how conflicted she felt about her response to the play: being proud of the strength and courage depicted by the women warriors and at the same time being aware of how deeply anti-war she is.

Someone else raised a question about the status of women in the Israeli army, guessing that they do not experience the same levels of harassment and abuse that women soldiers in the US military do. He also wondered what women vets face when they return, what kind of community do they form or can they look to be received back into? As a Native American, he noted that the Pow wow is a place for warriors to return to and find a home in.

Day 10 of the Tour: 9-18

House party/fundraising salon hosted by Shannon Cain in her downtown Tucson, 7th floor apartment. Twenty-five people squeezed into the living room, sat on couches, the floor, chairs, pillows and a trunk by the food table in the back. Not a dry eye in the house that evening. Small quarters make for more intense performances. . . in the classroom setting as well as in a private living space. There's no escaping the performer's eye when you are just feet away.

Here is what some of those guests had to say:

"I feel grateful to the artists for giving me a meaningful way to engage with the overwhelming reality of what is occurring in the world--the cost of what my country is doing. I have not found other meaningful ways of engaging. I find most of the ways these issues are presented and discussed to be inhumane, alienating and even more painful."

"[I am] thunderstruck by the experiences these women had. Never, ever in my life have I heard firsthand tellings of what it is like to be a woman in the military. I feel somewhat heartbroken by what they witnessed."

"I am moved because this performance gives me such a visceral, immediate connection to women whose lives may at first seem so different than mine. The words spoken here make me know these women are not different from me. They are my sisters."

"It was easy to visualize women in war---the conflicts, the intensity, the never-ending injustices--danger from within our military. I feel loss of life, permanent scaring--damaged souls. . . perhaps the lucky ones are the dead."

"I feel the women in the military desperately trying to make sense of something that makes no sense. There is poignancy in trying on the various cliches of war---when in the end it breaks down to horror and pointless violence."

"I feel like I've overlooked and not honored my own military upbringing. Yes, Air Force brat was such a badge of pride, but the late 60s and 70s buried that and I buried that and all the families that I knew who lost---literally "lost": MIA. Dads, husbands. Thank you for bringing those memories to the surface."

Day 9 of the Tour: 9-17

Hamilton High School, Chandler, AZ. 9:30am. A class of 25 advanced drama students, sophomores to seniors. They were rapt from the first line: ". . . so, this is death." Everyone in the room knew someone or had family in the military. Of those, three knew women who had been in.

Here is what those students had to say:

"I've truly never seen or read anything like this."

". . . another silent story now made known."

"These women go through hell and back more times than the male soldiers do."

"I feel shocked and ashamed of myself. I have never really thought twice about women in the military, let alone what they might be going through. . . this performance has reminded me of the things that go on outside of my little bubble of a world."

"Wow, that was really powerful. . . I never wanted it to end."

"This play touched my heart and helped me understand more of what it was like for the women so next time I meet one I will truly thank her for putting up with all that crap and yet still serving our country."

"I saw and felt all the women's stories. . . as a result I want to talk to anyone in my family who was in the military to see and understand any of their stories."

"I feel like I want to do something more. I know I am a very strong girl and now I feel like I am wasting it. . . I am so impressed by how strong women can be. I am glad this is being performed for people."

"I have never felt this way. I feel captivated and touched. . . taken all throughout the horrid experiences a woman has to endure so she can help serve her country. As a man, I feel guilty to have to share the title of "man," for what man has done."

Day 8 of the Tour: 9-15

University of Arizona Veterans in Higher Education conference, Gallagher Theater. POWERFUL performance with an audience who has been there: a crowd of 40 vets, male and female, and those who work with them. It was difficult to speak afterwards, and several people left before the discussion began, but the strong sentiments and deep emotions began to surface as the people began to talk.

Clearly, according to this audience, something needs to be done. . . and the play seems to open a door, for women vets in particular, whose stories have gone unheard for too long .

Here is what some audience members said:

". . . these women are brave because they willfully joined the boy's club, willfully entered the smoking parlor where they knew they would face closed doors at best, violation at worst."

"What a difficult reality. Already as a woman I feel confined on so many levels---and to put myself in a situation where I give up what freedom of expression of self I have is unimaginable. All to ensure that the rest are free to do/live in this "free" society."

"Overwhelm, painful, beautiful, sadness, honor, weakness, strength. I think of my daughter. When do men become true men? it is measured in battle or measured in how they interact with women. . . or both?"

"I believe this [play] would be a great program to not only spread to civilian women, but to try to assemble active duty women from all ranks and all forces. As an active duty female, I believe young sailors/soldiers/marines would benefit from exploring this side of combat, both male and female."

"Profound feelings. It took me back like I was there again. Not in a good way. I hated it. I loved it. Well done."

"This experience helped open my eyes to the thoughts, feelings, stories that accompany the statistics I know. I am thankful for the performance and appreciate all that went into making it happen. I will be a stronger advicate and supporter to the women veterans that I will have the privilege to serve."

"This was some pretty powerful stuff. We have had a deaf ear to women's issues for way too long and still do not want to face the realities. This play is a wonderful means of awareness that just opens the doors slightly . . . and we need to bust it completely open."

"Too dark. Too sad. No one spoke about patriotism? Courage? Satisfaction?"

"[Women] have had to not only fear the enemy but also their warrior brothers."

"It saddens and disgusts me that these women were treated this way, but even as a child of the military I know these things existed. I personally know of a woman who is determined to be a grey beret who has encountered harassment and who feels she needs to be more "man-like."

Day 7 of the Tour: 9-14

During our second day of three performances at Tucson High School actor Jeanmarie Simpson went home sick after the first class (she's fine now). Art Almquist, the drama teacher, recruited two of his advanced students (Andrea and Drea) who were totally game for doing a cold reading of excerpts of the play with Kore Manager Colleen and myself. We quickly realized, as 100 students started to fill in the seats of the theater, that "no play" was not an option. I pulled 10 or so monologues out and we distributed them among the four of us to read . . as Jeanmarie told the class of drama students at Marana HS last week, you say "YES. . . AND/ YES. . . AND when you improvise." And so went the next two performances.

Students really dialed into what was coming out of their peers' mouths. The after discussion was intense, vibrant and very clearly focused on gender differences.

Here is what some of those student had to say that day:

"I feel disturbed, sad, anxious, proud, pity, disgust, humiliation, inquisitiveness, melancholy, misinformed, enlightened, congested, weak. I didn't like how the mother and chose to go at the same time as her husband. Taking both parents away from a 4 yr old is gross, sickening."

"I remember thinking [during the play] this is not the civilized world."

"At what point do you fight, at what point do you let things go? When do you just give up and excuse the world? it is difficult to say."

". . . war is forever awful. I find it hard to support or take pride in. I will never go and will not let my brother go. Men are scum and I will not let them look down on me because I am a woman. I will not let it happen."

"The stuff that happens in the military shouldn't be endured by anyone."

". . . this just really touched home for me where I am in a low brass section in band---that is a male-oriented area. You either fit in or you don't."

"I feel the weight of many years of history--the stories of men and women whose lives are forgotten but whose struggles mirror my own. . . [this is] a war memorial more meaningful than a statue or a wreath. War/anti-war; knowledge/awareness; compassion/grief."

"I got chills like 20 times because how tense the situation was. I feel disappointed on how some men still look down on women."

"This has got to be one of the hardest things I have ever listened to. Women don't deserve to be treated this way, especially by men they are working with."

"I feel kinda sad like something has gone missing."

"I had no idea these kinds of things were going on to women in the military. It's awful that because someone is a different gender, you treat them so differently."

"I feel surprised. Why? Because I didn't think there were people who still do raping, harassing. . . Why? Because men should already know how [to show] respect."

"It just amazes me how many women in the military are sexually assaulted and they just don't say anything in the news or anything. I wouldn't want to fight for a country that just brushes off my concerns or grievances. It's our first amendment. We have the right to petition our government for our grievances."

". . . all of the harassment and abuse needs to stop. My dad fought in Vietnam so I've never gotten to hear anything about the army from the opinion of anyone other than a man."

"I feel that peace, even the idea of peace, has been lost over time, and that it would take a sudden realization that this is wrong to help bring it back. But why has it been lost??"

"I feel devastated and uplifted and enlightened."

"I can't see why people would want to go to war just to fill the gas tanks of American cars. . . War is a human invention: terrible and destructive like our pollution. I breaks a person."

"I plan on joining the military or Coast Guard after high school. To hear how many women in the military go through so much makes me want to be part of something bigger than myself."

"This topic needs to be put out in the world more. Women should be able to express themselves no matter what."

"It's like women are taken advantage of because they aren't physically strong enough to fight back. It's like they want to toughen these women up. I don't really understand why this happens. I just hope it stops."

"I feel that females are looked down upon and disrespected, but will rise."

". . . despite all the threats and discrimination, they proved that as a woman you can pursue what others say is impossible."

"What about our women's rights?"

"I feel the hurt and suffering my fellow women go through."

"Without women this world would not have any humans."

"We don't know HALF of the things that go on. The girl was constipated for two week and the enema didn't work: JESUS!"

"The Israeli army will be a different experience by far, as a family and community. I think because it is more expected that women will join. I will not get raped or harassed, like these women did."

"I feel shame that someone in the army can become a victim."

"If men can do it, why can't women?"

"I wasn't aware of how women were treated [in the military]. . . it makes me want to change things so that women are treated equally when they go into war."

"Why in the hell do [men] think that's ok to do [rape a women in the army]?"

". . this performance was very raw and didn't hold back on what needed to be said."

". . . it is extremely obscene and disgusting that our government would cover up the misdeeds of military men against military women."

"I would be pissed if people around me, people I needed to trust with my life, tried to rape me."

"I wouldn't join the military, but if a woman feels that God wants her to join, she should be able to without fearing the male soldiers and what they might do."